if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
