All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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