lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
