You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
