A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
