Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
