she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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