the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
