I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
