I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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