ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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