did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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