why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
