i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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