Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
