life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She said her name was "party"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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