Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
