I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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