Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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