sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
