Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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