bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
