After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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