I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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