i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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