we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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