the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found the puke drawer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
