Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
