I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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