batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i now understand why vodka
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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