Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
