I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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