highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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