Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
