Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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