never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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