Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
