She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
