I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
