Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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