I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize