Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
