Plan B is the new Plan A
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
