I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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