I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it because I queefed?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
