I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
