this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
