i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
