you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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