in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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