i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
