I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
