he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
