just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
