I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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